Thakuma

I really can't believe I am having to write about yet another loss in my life. My paternal grandmother, 'Thakuma' passed away this weekend. My father had just returned from visiting with her; and I am grateful he was able to spend quality time with her.

Thakuma was a tiny lady in stature, but had an enormous personality. Her wit and willpower stand out the most in my memories. Even until her last days, she was fiercely independent- jokingly telling people who tried to help her, "Why are you helping me, do you think I'm old or something?"

Thakuma's wedding story is one for a novel. She and her sister married two brothers! My grandfather saw Thakuma when his brother was marrying Thakuma's sister. He knew the instant he saw her, that she would be his bride. This is during a time when arranged marriages were a standard in India; and so my thakuma would often joke that she had a 'love marriage.' (Though they never met again until their own marriage!) She married my grandfather under British India, when laws had recently changed to push back the age at which girls could marry. Indian tradition in the 1930's dictated that girls marry at the socially acceptable age of 16 or 17. Thakuma had already been betrothed to my grandfather, but they had to wait until she was 18; much to the anxiety of her parents.

Thakuma never had an easy life; in fact, it involved sacrifice and hard work. You would never hear stories of this from her- I have never heard a complaint from her in my life. Her family was her focus, and her pride and joy. Thakuma had four boys (my father was the youngest of the boys) and then two girls. My uncle Abu Jethu, my father, and my aunt Joli Pishi look just like her. And it's my father, my uncle Nodha Jethu and my Joli Pishi who have inherited her sense of humor.

Thakuma spent a year with us in California when my brother and I were growing up. I have memories of her knitting sweaters and crocheting (she was VERY talented). She taught me how to knit, and when I showed her my handiwork; she would examine it, undo it all- and tell me to start again! She was a perfectionist. I remember her braiding my hair and giving me a pat on the back to indicate when she was done. I remember our trip to Las Vegas with her, and Sea World.
With her passing, I know a part of my father is lost. He has supported her from the day he started working. I think my father is a testament to her because it is rare to have a child unfailingly support his parent in the way that my father has supported my grandmother. I do know, that my father has the peace in his heart that he has done as much for his mother as humanly possible.

Thakuma had always told us that she wanted to pass in Benaras; and indeed, it is in the land of the Ganges that she did rest.. She lived her entire life in a traditional four-story courtyard style house- where Ravi Shankar used to play as a teenager; and I am grateful she passed away in that home. She lived a full life- filled with children and grandchildren and great grandchildren. She will be remembered through all of us.