For Ankur

Last Saturday, my childhood friend/brother, Avishek Dube (we called him Ankur) passed away in a car accident. I've finally been able to gather my thoughts to write about him- these past few days have been filled with anguish.

His Facebook page is simply mid-stream.... this happened so suddenly. He is wishing his friend happy birthday, making plans for dinner, joking with his sister Sampurna... and then there's a void. My eyes fill with tears when I see his facebook quote: "Life passes most people by while they're busy making grand plans for it." I feel as though he was robbed- he was just completing his Phd... just starting his life. Still, his short time here has created so many memories, and I would like to share him with all of you.

I can not picture Ankur without seeing him smiling and laughing. You can see, in the picture- he's in the blue-and-white striped shirt. He was always such an incredibly positive person. Our Bengali community revolved around the Dube family. Thus, he was the spirit that pulled us all together. I can not even imagine an event without his presence. He spoke with everyone- laughed with everyone- befriended everyone.

Ankur was inseparable from his sister. I remember being at their house when Ankur was, perhaps, 9 years old and Sampurna was 3 years old. Ankur simply LOVED music and was teaching all kinds of important lessons to Sampurna- that Metallica was untouchable and all the qualities of AC/DC and Led Zeppelin. He then taught her how to headbang. It was hysterical! I have rarely seen so close a relationship between siblings as the one between Ankur and Sampurna. So it breaks my heart to see Sampurna write, "My brother taught me everything, except how to live without him."

Ankur was someone without the usual 'hang-ups' of many Indian-Americans. He was so comfortable in his own skin. So comfortable being both Bengali and American- he had no pretensions. While many kids knew to speak Bengali- he knew to read and write the language. He loved his Bengali heritage- eating Bengali food and being a part of the community. I remember performing a very popular children's play with him at our Durga Puja. I was the older queen... and I asked my king for just one thing- a monkey son. Well- that was Ankur! My monkey-son. I will never forget the memories from that play.

Ankur was also someone who could stand up for his convictions. During Saraswati Puja, one year, he asked the organizers why there was such a focus on meat and fish during the religious event. Why couldn't we have vegetarian food for that special event, and then after the puja have the non-veg items? The elders were stunned. Someone from the younger generation was standing up for traditional values! And the following year- it was so. That was Ankur. Able to create change quietly and simply. He, and his family, are very religious. And during this time, I hope their faith will keep them strong.

The last time I saw him was in October. After Doshomi (the final day of Durga Puja) young folks ask the blessings of the older members of the community. Though Ankur was just 3 years younger than me, he would always come to me. This time, I joked with him and wished him a 'good wife'- and a 'good marriage' something 'aunties' always do. This is my last memory of him. And now, knowing that he will not grow old with us- that he will always remain 25, I can only say that we will always remember him- and carry him forward with us in our hearts.

Life did not pass you by, Ankur, you touched many people along the way.

We miss you Ankur.