My grandfather

Yesterday was a very sad day in my life. My grandfather passed away.
I decided that I would dedicate today's entry to him, because I want to share him with all of you. There is a lot to learn from the life he lived, and so I'll share some of my favorite stories.

One of the things I remember the most about dadu was his incredible energy. There were a few traditions at my Mamar Bari whenever my family went to visit. A stock of Bisleri mineral water at the kitchen table, a maxi lounging gown for my mother and me and hawai choti or flip flops for the entire family. One visit, they had forgotten to buy the flip flops in advance. My grandfather decided to head out to buy them immediately, with me in tow. He barreled down the streets at such a speed that I could scarcely keep up. I finally caught up to him at the store, but before I had a chance to catch my breath, he was off to another store! By the time we got back home, I was wiped.... by an individual 60 years my senior! That was my grandfather.

He had so much energy, in fact, that after retiring from civil service, he was so bored that he went BACK to work... for another 8 years. My aunt used to joke that he was the type of person that always needed to do SOMETHING.... so it may have been worth giving him a plate of rice grains mixed with lentils and ask him to separate them all day- just to keep him occupied.

Another thing dadu is famous for is his sense of adventure. One day while my parents and I were living in Bangalore, we had gone out for our days' errands. When we returned, our landlord called to me and said, "Your grandfather is here." "That can't be!" I replied. But when we went to their apartment, sure enough, there he was. Sitting happily and talking to their whole family. "Surprise!" he said- and boy, was it! He had literally decided on a whim to visit us with nothing but our address in hand.
"How did you do it, dadu?"
"Well, I landed at the train station, and I told the auto-rickshaw driver that I needed to get to BHCS layout on Bennarghata Road."
"But there are two Bennarghata Roads!"
"I know! I went to the other one too! But once I got there, I realized it was not right because you told me there was a big Ganesh Temple nearby. So then the auto-wallah was nice enough to bring me to this one. And when I saw you were not home, I came to this flat to wait."

That was also the epitome of my grandfather. He could go anywhere- befriend anyone- and not think anything of it. He has traveled the world, and his intellectual curiosity was never satiated. He never felt the need to prove that he was well-traveled for that was my grandfather's trait- humility. It's something most people strive towards, but was innate to him.

One of the things my mother used to tell me about my grandfather was how incredibly modern and forward-thinking he was. During my mother's generation, it was quite common for all women to wear saris. When salwar-kameezs first hit the fashion scene, it was thought of as something quite scandalous. But my grandfather never blinked an eye and told my mother that he didn't have a problem with it- that salwars were actually more modest clothing than saris. My grandfather also never hesitated to bless the marriage between my parents- even though my father was living in Montreal at the time; and it would mean sending his only daughter thousands of miles away. He was independent, and wanted to make something of himself- for himself, not resting on the laurels of his ancestors. And so he was also the first of his seven brothers to break away from 'boro bari' or the large ancestral home and build his own house adjacent to the family property.

The final story will hopefully relate to you all the greatest trait of my grandfather. And that was his generosity. It is rather easy to be proud of one's accomplishments- it is not rare for Indian families to constantly toot their horns about the "status" of their family. But you would never hear any of that from my grandparents. Rather, his legacy remains in all the people he's helped, and all the lives he's touched. He put many nieces and nephews through school, insisting on delivering the fees to them instantly on the first day of the semester. He simply couldn't bear the thought of anyone having to actually ask for the money; never wanting anyone to feel that they were being helped. He payed for the weddings of the daughters of our servants. It is probably why their family has been with our family for generations, now.

About 12 years ago, dadu started a tradition of going to the lake. During the early years, he would walk to the lake, jog along the trails and then sit down to talk to his friends. As the years progressed, he would be driven the the lake to meet his friends to talk. He became so beloved, that one day, a news reporter looking for a story came upon the group. The next month, there was an article printed in the paper about dadu. It was no surprise- he loved and was loved instantaneously. My grandparents celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary and shortly afterwards, my grandmother died. Dadu was never really the same after that, and yet he continued to bring joy to the rest of us. Giving of himself, constantly.

He used to call me 'mani'- and tell me that when I was young I never left his arms. When he went to the restroom, I would sit by the door, waiting for him to come out. He would tell me with a chuckle, that I loved to play the 'tabla' drums on this bald head.

I can't imagine Mamar Bari without dadu. I will miss him greatly. But I will strive to be the way he was- energetic, positive, adventurous and above all generous and humble. That is his legacy.